Hello, tall ones. It has been brought to my attention that my life has been misrepresented on this blog as being all giggles and good times. Yes, my life with the Tall People is nice. But it's also a lot of work. I wanted you to have a more realistic look at my life, so here is a glimpse into one of my days.
7 a.m.: Woke. Wrestled Ollie the Oliphant until Tall Guy came and got me. It took him a whole 5 minutes. Sheesh! It's hard to get good help. Tall Lady nursed me and that made me happy. Lately, she and Tall Guy have been conspiring to pawn off a bottle on me instead of the real deal. Whatever! I wasn't born yesterday, so I turn my nose up at that thing.
7:30 to 8: Rolled around on the bed with the Tall People. Punctuality and bottles aside, I really like them.
8 to 10: My daily exercise regime. You don't get thighs like this without hard work. I did my squats, my presses, and all my yoga moves.
10 to 11: Nap with Ollie.
11 to 12: The Tall Lady nursed me again. Then I did even more of my Thigh Master 2000 Workout, doing pull-ups and push-ups on her. I really needed to unwind from all this activity, so I spent some time doing my favorite activity: blowing raspberries on Tall Lady's leg. Her legs aren't nearly as toned as mine, so at the end, I bit her knee. I just couldn't resist, they're so chubby. She has a bruise from it today. She keeps whining about it.
12 to 1: Tall Lady took me took Walmart and I made Chewbaca noises at everyone who passed me.
1 to 1:30: Tall Lady tried to feed me peas. Peas, I tell you! I threw them on the floor. Tall Lady kept shaking her head. I wonder if she has a tic. She should have that looked into. Then she gave me meat. I didn't want it, so I screamed at her. I wanted to make sure she understood that I disapproved, so I screamed repeatedly, very loudly.
1:30 to 2: I had some more workout time in the living room. Tall Lady kept looking at that flat thing with buttons, so I let her know that this was inappropriate behavior by screaming. You have to be firm and consistent, so I made sure to scream repeatedly, very loudly. What they say is true - discipline is hard work!
2: Tall Lady put me down for a nap. Whatever! What, does she think, I'm 10 months? I stood in my crib and cried for a long time until Tall Lady came to get me. She tried to nurse me again, since I skipped lunch. I decided this was the perfect way to sleep, but she wouldn't let me and put me back in my crib. How rude! Like I said, good help is hard to find.
Tall Guy finally got back, and since I had been firm and clear for several hours, I didn't have to nap. Consistency is everything, people! Just be firm and unswerving, and they'll understand how to behave appropriately eventually.
5: Tall People tried to feed me again. What a bore! I let them know I disapproved by screaming and throwing the food on the floor. That tic came out again and they kept saying the same thing over and over again. Something like, "Nooooo." I really do think they need to see a doctor for that.
5:30 to 7: Wow, it was an eventful day, what with all the exercise and Tall People training. I unwound by eating some leaves in the back yard and then having a long soak in the tub. It had been a hard day of discipline training for the Tall People, so I made sure to give them lots of extra hugs and affection before bed so they would know it was all right.