Throughout my life, I have to admit to pretending to like certain things that I, in secret, really do not like at all. Something to do with insecurity and wanting to seem like a hip kid. But now that I'm a little older, there are several things I am now ready to confess.
I don't like wine. Or really any other kind of alcohol. I remember in post-college days the popularity of wine tasting parties and microbrew tours. I went through a phase of ordering a glass of white wine with dinner. But now I realize: I hate wine. I think it tastes like corroded, humiliated grapes. If I were to go out to a fancy dinner and treat myself, I would want a chocolate malt with dinner. Not a glass of wine. I guess I'm just not super classy.
I don't like Thai food. Thai food is super hip. I'm not sure why it's so much more chic than Chinese, but it is. Really most non-Chinese Asian foods are super hip: Vietnamese, Laotian, Indian. But now I realize: I'd rather eat a burger. With a chocolate malt. I guess I'm just not that worldly.
I don't like rock climbing. I went through a phase in high school and college in which I pretended that rock climbing was fun. In high school, I took a month-long course on rock climbing that was taught by the super-hot math teacher who was the son of our football coach. In later days, his father was fired for having a picture in his office drawer of he and his son posing nude with guns while hunting. But I digress. In college I went bouldering with the boys, but I dislike bouldering even more than rock climbing. Rock climbing and bouldering aren't fun. How can you enjoy nature when you're clinging to the face of a rock? And why cling to the face of a rock unless you're about to die? I'd rather take a slow stroll by a mountain stream. I guess I'm just not that adventurous.
I don't like fish. All the hip foodies are into fish. The weirder the better. I went through a phase of ordering fish whenever I ate out at fancy meals. You know, Omega 3s and all. But now I feel I can fess up: I hate fish. That is, unless it's a mahi mahi caught fresh and served on a beach in Kauai. Other than that, I don't want to ever eat fish. I'd rather eat a bowl of Cinnamon Life cereal. I guess I'm just not that healthy.
I don't like book club books or Literature with a capital L. I was an English major, so I'm supposed to love all those deep Oprah books, right? The more depressing and "raw" the better. The more convoluted and subculture the better. But now that I'm 10 years from my lit degree, I feel I can admit: I hate all that so-called Literature with a capital L. I like happy books. I like fairy tales. Move over, Holden Caulfield; I want Father Tim and Miss Marple. I don't want to read about internment camps or the Holocaust or child abuse or genocides. I want to read about happy people in happy places doing happy things. I guess I'm just not all that sophisticated.
I don't like artsy movies or documentaries. Because I work for Compassion, I'm often asked if I've seen the next edgy documentary on this issue or that. But after a long day of reading about life in poverty, there's nothing I want more than to watch an episode of Shaun the Sheep. My favorite movies are all either animated or written by Jane Austen. It's a good thing I have a kid now to legitimatize my childish taste. I guess I truly am the child of my parents (who play Candy Land for fun, long after their three daughters moved out).
Now is your chance to come clean too. What do you really dislike that you have pretended to like to be a cool kid?