*Mom and grandma, stop reading this post! It's too racy for you.
Since I made fun of a 1963 baby book, it's only fitting and fair that I make fun of contemporary writings on the topic as well. I'm sure we haven't yet risen to the height of human knowledge, so I wonder what may change in the next 50 years. Perhaps we will have discovered that feeding on hot dogs while pregnant actually creates super-babies, and we'll shake our heads that we could have ever eschewed the beauty of hot dogs. (I sure hope so.)
Alas, I cannot know. But I can find many fun tidbits that reflect our current culture that would make my grandma shake her head and say, "You cruddy kids!" in that particular way she has. So here are a few gems for you taken from a variety of the pregnancy books I've been given.
Piercings: "Remove any nipple jewelry before you nurse your baby." (What to Expect When You're Expecting) Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I read this! I've been looking so hard for rust-resistant nipple rings to no avail! By the way, does this remind any other children of the 90's of our favorite movie? ("Dee, when your allergies act up, take out your nose ring!") I'm not even going to make you read the other tips on body piercings. Eeeewwwwww.
It's All About Me: "What's in it for you?" (You Having a Baby) Most of us would probably read that line (a subheading in the book) and rush right over it. But it's indicative of our Burger King have-it-your-way modern culture that a book on having a baby would include a section telling us what we're going to get out of it.
Sex Quizzes: "Answer each of these questions with a 1 to a 5, 5 being very true of me." (You Having a Baby) Is this Cosmo? No! This is a mainstream pregnancy book written by two medical doctors with a sex quiz included. Bet they didn't do that in the 60s.
Botox: "If you've used Botox and just found out you are pregnant, it's unlikely there's any risk to your baby. Studies have shown that when Botox is injected into facial muscles, the small amount used is not expected to circulate throughout your body. Therefore it wouldn't get to your baby." (BabyCenter) Sweet! Because the only thing more awesome than injecting botulism into your face, is injecting botulism into your face while pregnant!
Exotic diseases: "Canavan disease is one of the most common degenerative diseases of the brain. Although it may occur in any ethnic group, it is far more frequent among Saudi Arabians and Ashkenazi Jews from Eastern Poland, Lithuana and western Russia...Death usually occurs before age 4." (Your Pregnancy Week by Week) There is such a thing as too much information! No wonder pregnant ladies are so nervous these days. This book published in the US for Americans still warns us of what may happen to Saudi Arabians, Polish, Lithuanians and Russians! (You're chances in the US of getting it are 1 in 6,400.) Pregnancy books these days are scare factories telling you all the myriad things that might, just might, go wrong.
Orgasmic Birth: Mhm hmm. It's exactly what it sounds like. There are whole web sites about it. Please note, that I do not, I repeat, do not, own any book on this topic. It was hard to even bring myself to Google it. Let's hope my work's IT department doesn't check Google searches on employee laptops.
Positions. Should I just stop here? I really didn't mean for this post to become like this...but it's the material I have to work with. While several of my mainstream pregnancy books include helpful, ahem, positional tips, I certainly can't see my grandma reading such a book back in the 1940s, can you?
So there you have it. It's a good thing we're all waiting so much longer to get pregnant, as the material is only suitable for adults! The 1960s had some silly things to say, but you have to admit that we have our own touch of the ridiculous.