So guess what...I'll give you three guesses.
No, I'm not pregnant.
No, I didn't get a tattoo of Mike's face on my stomach. (Though I'm considering it.)
I'm defecting to Canada! Well, not really defecting. Just taking a Canadian job in order to drain money from their country into ours and leave my current position open for some poor unemployed American. Talk about a stimulus package!
I have accepted a job to write for Compassion Canada. I'm not moving there, but will work remotely. (The professional way of saying I'll be in my bed with a bag of Tostitos and PJs.) I'm very excited as this means I'll get to fulfill three long-term goals: 1. To write and/or edit full time. 2. To work from home. 3. To become a top-secret international spy.
I will start my new job on January 13th, and I've already started preparing for my immersion in the new culture.
I started reading books in order to get in the Canadian mindset. I read several L.M. Montgomery books, and now I know that Canadians spend most of their time staring wistfully out of windows and mooning about. I already do that, so it's perfect.
I also read a mystery about being a copywriter in a marketing department (Murder Must Advertise by Dorothy L. Sayers), in order to properly prepare for my new workplace. Now I know to be on the lookout for drug conspiracies and menacing figures carrying blunt objects.
Of course, I want to bring value to their office, so I'm working on several brilliant marketing campaign ideas. Like, "Sponsor a kid, you hoser!" and a special payment program through which sponsors can pay with maple syrup or moose chips.
I've started spelling everything Canadian-style, like this:
1. My, you look like you are ageing, Mummy, by the colour of your hair.
2. I am feeling amourous; you're giving me the vapours!
3. Would you do me a favour and give me a Caesarian section in the parlour, please?
4. Your sense of humour against Canadians gives me offence.
I sound smarter already.
And in order to look the part, I'll be asking for a pair of these and this hat for Christmas, to wear while I'm in bed with my Tostitos.