So, in a huff, I returned all my library books, on a quest for some true, down-home, wholesome adventure. I placed The Princess Bride on hold, which I've been meaning to read since James and Shannan told me it was so good.
Until it arrives, I wanted some book normal people read. Not the stuffy intelligentsia. Nothing Oprah would ever recommend. So I found a new one by Colleen McCullough, of Thornbirds fame. I thought to myself, "Richard Chamberlain was exceedingly handsome in that mini-series, so this must be a good book."
It's called The Independence of Miss Mary Bennet, and is a continuation of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, which is the pinnacle of romantic fantasies of many a girl, much to the chagrin of men like my husband who hate that Darcy. But I love Pride and Prejudice, and every spinoff ever made of it.
So imagine my chagrin upon reading this book in which:
- Turns out Darcy's actually a horrible, evil brute who wishes he never married Elizabeth.
- Bingley is an oppressive slaveholder in Jamaica, with another mistress and family there.
- Though Darcy dislikes his own son for being effeminate, he is having a bro-mance with his murdering hitman.
- Mary Bennet (the ugly, annoying, pious one) is now the most beautiful woman any man has ever laid eyes on, and many swoon at her feet.
- She has been kidnapped by a blind cult leader who thinks he's the son of God and lives in a cave...
Umm, yeah. So needless to say, I'm not a fan. I'm reading it pretending it's some other Bennet family.
But I have to ask, how could you, Colleen? Darcy hates his wife, and Bingley's a slaveholder? You've taken the most beloved "happy-ending" of English literature and said it was all lies and fairy tales. I was trying to escape the modern, realistic tripe I've been reading in which there are no happy endings, only to have you shred my fairy tales. A girl has got to have her fairy tales.
It's going to take me awhile to get over this. My mom said it took her years to get over Scarlet...
9 comments:
You know, I actually really like "Scarlet", but that story sounds odious! Horrible! The idea makes me very cross! And I am already cross enough!
Have you read The Thornbirds? I love that story...but it is QUITE drama filled.
This is why I enjoy reading Biographies. You have no false hopes about the ending--you already know how it ends. My second favorite? Children's books for elementary aged kiddos. I would suggest Jeremy Thatcher Dragon Hatcher--it makes you cry in the end, yes even moi, but I love it. Let me know if you want it and I can bring it to you when I see you this weekend!
WHAT?!?! This is completely unacceptable news. I am going to close this window and pretend I never heard such barbaric information about our beloved Darcy and the Bennets.
you should read some good, shallow chick lit
I like saying 'Mister Darcy' in that horrible cockneye accent that I enjoy so much.
That book sounds terrible.
I could use clarification, are the books that Oprah recommends considered intelligentsia? Or were those two separate classes of books that you had equal disdain for.
I don't know what did it, but something killed in me the desire to read fiction as of late, maybe I just miss school but I've been reading mostly books on economics, some history, and politics. I would recommend Thomas Cahill's How the Irish Saved Civilization. It's one of my favorites from the past year that's a lighter read.
Yeah, Tara, bring it to me.
Jon, we have How the Irish Saved Civilization on CD. I liked his other one too...about Greek civilization. I personally am a much bigger nonfiction fan than fiction, but I try to mix it up.
No, Oprah and the intelligentsia were a different category, but both annoyingly pretentious and both categories I'm banning for now.
Yeah, that's heresy--I'm traumatized by just the summary. There are some other pretty raunchy spin-offs out there too. I never got past the first chapter. Only four good spin-offs exist to my knowledge.
You know, perhaps it's time to try "Pride, Prejudice and Zombies"?
You know, someone just told me about that, Aaron. But I think I'm going to have to stick with the classic.
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