So, in a huff, I returned all my library books, on a quest for some true, down-home, wholesome adventure. I placed The Princess Bride on hold, which I've been meaning to read since James and Shannan told me it was so good.
Until it arrives, I wanted some book normal people read. Not the stuffy intelligentsia. Nothing Oprah would ever recommend. So I found a new one by Colleen McCullough, of Thornbirds fame. I thought to myself, "Richard Chamberlain was exceedingly handsome in that mini-series, so this must be a good book."
It's called The Independence of Miss Mary Bennet, and is a continuation of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, which is the pinnacle of romantic fantasies of many a girl, much to the chagrin of men like my husband who hate that Darcy. But I love Pride and Prejudice, and every spinoff ever made of it.
So imagine my chagrin upon reading this book in which:
- Turns out Darcy's actually a horrible, evil brute who wishes he never married Elizabeth.
- Bingley is an oppressive slaveholder in Jamaica, with another mistress and family there.
- Though Darcy dislikes his own son for being effeminate, he is having a bro-mance with his murdering hitman.
- Mary Bennet (the ugly, annoying, pious one) is now the most beautiful woman any man has ever laid eyes on, and many swoon at her feet.
- She has been kidnapped by a blind cult leader who thinks he's the son of God and lives in a cave...
Umm, yeah. So needless to say, I'm not a fan. I'm reading it pretending it's some other Bennet family.
But I have to ask, how could you, Colleen? Darcy hates his wife, and Bingley's a slaveholder? You've taken the most beloved "happy-ending" of English literature and said it was all lies and fairy tales. I was trying to escape the modern, realistic tripe I've been reading in which there are no happy endings, only to have you shred my fairy tales. A girl has got to have her fairy tales.
It's going to take me awhile to get over this. My mom said it took her years to get over Scarlet...