I'm usually a very open, honest person. So, here's to openness: I'm going to share with you one of my deepest darkest secrets. (Really, I keep this ferretted away in my heart.) So I'll just say it:
I'm afraid I'm being judged all the time because I'm a working woman. That's really all it is, fear, and not even necessarily a merited fear, but it's what my secret heart frets about.
If we're just talking intellectually, I'm fine. I know that my actions are clean before God and my husband. I'm doing what I'm doing because it is what is best and necessary. But in many of our circles, it's simply not the norm. Men work, women stay home and have chillins. Intellectually, like I said, I embrace my situation. I know that I'm not a bad woman for my career.
But nonetheless, my silly, silly emotions and fears eat at me. I worry that I will never be considered valuable until I have children. I worry that nothing I do will be taken seriously until I have children. I worry that I am considered some ball-busting workaholic, selfishly pursuing her own gains instead of her family's.
People say little comments here and there, not knowing my neuroses, and I take their little dropped gems and hide them away to fester at them later. It is all mainly in my mind.
For once, I just wanted it outside my mind and outside myself.