I don't know what to write today, so what could be more fun than quoting from the matrimonial section from the Calcutta newspaper? You know how we have personal ads to find dates? Well, Indians have matrimonial ads to find arranged marriages.
They are made doubly fun by the Indian's chronic misuse of the word "homely." To them, it means "comely." If you don't know what homely or comely mean, go look it up.
Looking for a slim, beautiful, family oriented, educated, homely, non working, Bengali Mangalik girl from a cultured Bengali family for a enterprising, qualified Bengali boy with a pleasing personality. ("Pleasing personality"...Do you think that means he's ugly? That's a pretty tall order for an ugly dude.)
Wanted groom of high birth, well qualified for prof's daughter. Pretty, wheatish, etc. (I learned that "wheatish" is a good thing. It means light skinned; many of the ads request "fair" men or women. How sad. But if they're wheatish, does that make me oatish?)
Youngman, divorcee, no issue, Brahmin. 33/5'10". (No issue? Does that mean no babies? If so, I have no issues. Ha! Take that world.)
26/5'3" medium built and complexion. Working, settled & resident in London. Requires professional Sunni Muslim groom. Urgent. (Urgent? What is so urgent? Does she need some issues? Medium build and complexion won't be able to dazzle any of our young men wanting "really beautiful, fair, really handsome, super pretty" women.)
Seeking beautiful, fair, graduate, homely match up to 27 /5'2" for handsome marine engineer. High income, own posh flat in Mumbia. Innocent Divorcee by mutual consent after one month having impeccable character. (5'2" is the max height? Dang. Short girls, go to India to get a posh flat.)
Now, I suppose it's time to put down the classified ads in my cubicle and get to work.