Tuesday, February 17, 2009

It Girls

I think 90% of all the females I know are doing the same thing. I don't get out much, so that's not saying a lot, but it seems many of us women are so generous in our estimation of each other and pretty dang stingy with ourselves.

The first time I met Becky, I thought she must be the girl everyone wanted to be friends with. She came late to dinner (automatic cool points) and was late because she'd been at photography class (triple automatic cool points). She seemed to know and be known by everyone. Definitely too cool for me.

The first time I met Heidi was at prayer group, and I thought, "This chick's too hot for me, and her accesorizing skills are way out of my league." (She wears great necklaces. And she is smart and succesful to boot.) I kept my head down at the meeting, and tried not to embarass myself too much.

The first time I saw Kate, I was speechless with intimidation. She oozed confidence and intelligence (and good hair). If ever there was an It Girl, she was it. I was sure she'd want nothing to do with me.

The first time I came across Brandy was her writing, and I wished I could be as good as her. Clever witticisms flow from her like [Brandy, can you please help me come up with a good metaphor here?] I roomed with her at a writing conference and knew she was too cool for school and probably too cool for me too.

Now, I won't be unkind to my sex and say you're all as insecure as I have been in my days. (I know some women who don't have an insecure bone in their bodies.) But I still see myself as a chubby girl who got picked on in middle school and said a sum total of 10 words in all her classes growing up and had a 0.0001% chance of finding a real job with her liberal arts education.

But innocent bystanders don't see this chubby, quiet girl in the front row anymore. I've grown confident enough to say that when they see me, they see a woman who seems intelligent, successful, and put together. (OK, it's still hard for insecure me to write those words.) And they might just be intimidated by little ol' me.

When I was worrying that Becky or Heidi (or sooo many other incredible women I know) were too good for me, they likely were not thinking about how I was, indeed, not good enough for them, but grappling with their own insecurities.

So many of us are afraid of one another, thinking, she's so smart or pretty or whatever the heck. But most likely, we're all thinking the same of each other. So, in conclusion, be nice to yourself, at least as nice as you are to the rest of us It Girls.


Becky said...

Great post, Amber! And thank you for your kind words.

You should write a book about this. Seriously.

blissfullykrissy said...

So very true Amber! You are so on target and I completely agree with ole George Micheal who said, "be good to yourself, because nobody else has the power to make you happy." Or something similar to that...

You truly are an intelligent, successful and "together" woman and I'm glad I've had the chance to get to know you in the past year. Thank you for sharing yourself with me.

Kate said...

ditto the last comment; amber, you are exquisite in every way. I had to laugh at this post, because I have been feeling (for longer now than I'd like to admit)mostly like a S#it Girl. Hmmm, maybe it's that oozing hair...?

You speak the truth here. Very important stuff. Thanks.

Brandy said...

Amber, you make me laugh. Out loud. Frequently. It's so funny, because I am so far from an It Girl. And it's fascinating to me that we, as females have these layers upon layers of insecurities and we so often listen to lies...lies that society tells us, but even more deep-seeded lies that we tell ourselves.

In conclusion, I am so glad that I have gotten to know you. I love to think of how we bonded over ale in Boston, then over wings at Hooters. What a multi-faceted friendship we have :)