If you have traveled through Denver International Airport of late, you'll know what I'm talking about.
You're sitting nervously in the passenger seat of the car, fingering your tickets to make sure you know which airline you're on, feeling a bit anxious about the flight. Will you be on time? Will you crash? Will you spill orange juice on your neighbor in a drug-induced stupor?
When you look up and see it. Bluecifer. The Demon Horse. A 32-foot snorting blue mustang with glowing red eyes. You wonder if he is there to usher you into the underworld. You feel anything but comforted on your way to the airport, and wonder if you've somehow wandered unknowingly into Napoleon Dynamite's Trapper Keeper.
This horse is so ugly and demented it has drawn national attention and there is a facebook group solely devoted to hating it. It has even reached the pinnacle of being considered an offbeat tourist attraction, right up there with the Giant Hot Dog in Bailey and Mike the Headless Chicken in Fruita. Go, Colorado!
This horse is so evil, it killed it's sculptor. Really. He was sculpting it and part of it fell and pinned him to the ground. Is not this a hint to us?
If you insult this horse, the offended cry will be, "But it's art!" Art schmart, are you kidding me? When did we decide that if something is called "art" it is untouchable? There is such a thing as bad art. (Which will just lead the elitists to call you one of the small-minded masses if you don't buy into their latest ridiculous vogue.) But when did we all agree that we wanted art all over the place like so much tacky brick a brack? I didn't get that memo. There are lots of things that are good, like bacon and Ugg boots, but I don't necessarily want them littering up the lawn of my public space.
I mainly feel this way because I went to school at Colorado State, the capital of tacky lawn art. There was this one sculpture there that I would pass on my way from Newsom to Eddy. I'd be tripping along in my mini-skirt, gaily watching the birds build their nests on a clear spring day. When all of a sudden, I'd almost trip over it. A sculpture that looked like a dessicated human corpse in fetal position. Surprise! Call me small-minded, but I don't want to trip over dessicated corpses on my way to Linguistics.
But now, that big blue bear peeking into the Denver Convention Center? Now that's just cute.