Public Service Message
Watch this video.
Don't text and drive. I don't want to die. A new study shows that you are more impaired while texting than driving while high or drunk. One of my more terrifying experiences of late was driving with a girl who was texting. Now I know to just call a cab.
If I see you texting, I'm going to throw the moldy cucumber I just found in the bottom of my fridge at you.