Thursday, June 19, 2008

I Officially Smell Like Patchouli

OK, I officially smell like patchouli. Check out that dress. Would someone who didn't smell like patchouli wear that to work? (If that doesn't make sense to you, read yesterday's post. It still won't make sense, but I'll get more hits on my blog.)

Actually, I only became a writer/editor so that I can dress eccentricly. So that I can wear pashminas and gaudy jewelry and bright shoes. Then people say, "oh yeah, she's a writer." It's wild. When you're unpublished and you say you're a "writer," people assume you're some delusional no-talent dreamer. As soon as you're published, you're suddenly legitimate and authoritative. You can wear head turbans and people will want your advice on dog vaccinations and suddenly the things you say are "quotes." ("Change advocate Van Schooneveld says words, when uttered by a published author, become quotes.")

And by the way, my neck doesn't look really look like that when I eat, does it? Maybe that's why Mike always eats so fast, with his head down.

I got my copies of the Hope Lives ministry kits this week. They're real purty.

And we're continuing to eat our tasty farm produce. We made Thai lettuce wraps with cilantro lime sauce.

And look! There to the left! I added a blog roll thingy. Only none of my friends write blogs, so it's looking pretty sad. Why don't you blog? You're making me look like a nerd. I've spent the majority of 1996 to 2008 trying to prove I'm not a nerd. And now you're ruining it for me because you won't get off your lazy butt and blog.

I did include Dooce on the roll, the winner of my Fingernails That Shine Like Justice Contest. It's there to convince outsiders that I'm totally with it. Read at your own risk; I can't be blamed for any F bombs dropped on you there, but the pictures are nice. I also put an RSS Feed Thingy there to the left. I don't really know how it works, but again, trying to look totally with it.
P.S. What do you think of my new blog look. Too dark?


Mike said...

Dude, that chick is hot.

Jon The Hart said...

I dig the new look.

Also... wherever is mentioned I want my name mentioned so that I look cool and with it.

Also.... what's this prize poem? Is it a poem about me or just a poem for me? Will it be hand-written and signed so that one day I can boast that I have a one of a kind authentic work by THE Amber Van Schooneveld that will never appear in a book until I get desparate and include it in some 'tell-all' book about the 'REAL' Amber Van? Because that would be sweet.

I'm not sure what it is with quotes this morning... or more accurately apostrophes... since I'm too lazy to press shift when I need a quotation mark. Also ellipses are apparently exciting to me this morning. I'm a big mis-user of punctuation because I've got no respect for the rules. Grammar rebel.

Becky said...

1. You are hilarious, Amber.

2. I added you to my blogroll.

3. I like your dress. It's funky.

4. I'm a dork and forgot to tell you yesterday that I have looked EVERYWHERE for The Shack but alas, I think it has disappeared. Or someone stole it. Yes, that's it. It was stolen. So sorry I didn't tell you yesterday! I'm not usually that much of a space cadet. (Must be the new job.) Have a super trip.

Amber said...

1. You have impeccable taste.

1. You will get royalties every time I mention Dooce.
2. Don't rush my poetry. These things take time. It'll be about you. The content isn't written yet, so watch what you say.

1. Thank you.
2. You are now my one friend on my blog roll.
3. I just was packing and realized you hadn't brought me the Shack and let out a terrifying roar of anger. The neighbors called the cops.
4. Just Kidding.