Thursday, June 26, 2008

Do Rappers Ever Get Bored of Singing About Sex?

I know I've been getting all domestic on you lately, so I thought I should talk about something provocative. Like sex. And rappers.

Honestly. What's with rappers? Mike and I are driving down the road on Friday, you know, jammin' it out as we travel to Estes. We're driving through my old 'hood at 1-25 and Arapahoe, so we turn to 107.5 to get down.

Seriously. Are these your lyrics? Is this really all you've got? I want to think you have hidden depths, but you're sure not giving any hints. I can't even exaggerate your lyrics, because they're so ridiculous to begin with, they just can't get any worse. How do you mock something this bad:
You give me the business.
You give me the business.
You give me the business.
You give me the business.

Then I'ma give the business to you. Oooh ooh ooh.
Yeah, I'ma give the business to you.

Really? Really? I want to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume there are some thoughtful, meaningful lyrics to your other songs. You know, maybe you could throw in a song about how your father's abandonment really affected your self esteem. Or maybe about how life is confusing and hard for a rapper. But upon looking closer at your artistic portfolio, these above lyrics really are quite poetic and meaningful and tame in comparison.

It's really quite smart. The return upon time invested as a rap lyricist really must be incredible. Just throw a couple "throw ya hands up in da air" and a couple "business" offers and a couple violent threats, and you can be off enjoying your meaningful rapper life. (I thought that the "throw ya hands up in da air" would be dead by now. I mean, you were doing that when I was in high school. We're still throwing our hands up? You still really feel compelled to say that in every song? Can't we think of another move for the dance floor?)

Now Back to Domestic Amber Since I've Been Provocative Enough:
We made Homemade Spinach Pasta tonight using our plethora of spinach and mixed it with the rest of the Cilantro Lime Pesto we made. And we didn't destroy it like the last time I tried to make pasta. Delicious!

Since I had extra egg whites, I thought I'd make Cherry Almond Meringues. I was so excited for them. I pureed almonds and cherries together for a delicious almond paste. Then I added my paste to the meringue....

And look what it made:
Mmmm....Burnt Egg White Soup. You want some? I have lots and lots left if you want me to mail you some.


Mike said...

The burnt egg white soup actually had a kind of nice flavor. It was a bit like fruit leather, to be honest. The egg white made it stick together and come off in chewy strips that I ate like fruit roll-ups. A little freaky, but I hated to waste that nice cherry and almond flavor.

As for rappers, I've never been able to listen to rap or R&B because it's so repetitive and brainless. Most songs average about 20 words, only 4 of them indicating any sort of higher brain functions. Sex sex, jump around jump around, violence violence. Sounds like chimpanzees to me. Not that I haven't heard a few decent raps. A few. When you see the tours of their houses on Cribs the situation just becomes clearer. Dumb people with no taste with piles of money can't resist tacky stuff and showing off. Of course you get that everywhere. I'm glad to see this blog returning to more exciting and controversial topics. Let's see another bikini picture or something! Besides, that picture of me getting dumped in the river that's up right now is less than flattering. (Lost my hat, too, but I did a spectacular leap when I resurfaced and caught it, taking a nice chunk out of my hand in the process. My car key was in a pocket on my hat.)

Mike said...

On a related subject, that Business song sure gets stuck in your head. Hard to believe it's real when you hear it though. It's like something Casey Egger would make up as a joke, but she's so earnest about him giving the business to her and her thus giving the business back to him. Luckily we heard a song we liked during that same trip (I'm Yours) so it wasn't a total loss. Plus I can sing it to Amber in the morning and have it drive her crazy running through her mind all day.

Jon The Hart said...

All that business they're rapping about should be good for the economy.

Amber said...

See, Jon, this is why I'm your friend. (You're funny.)