Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Dear Facebook,

Dear Facebook,
Thank you for your warm welcome to this social networking virgin. I usually prefer to wait about 5 years after it's edgy to do something, which is why I'm cordially accepting your invitation now. But being the inexperienced girl I am, I'm a bit overwhelmed by all your invites and news feeds and "wall-to-walls." There is so much I'm unsure of.

So, please, Facebook, would you answer a few etiquette questions for me?
  • Am I allowed to read other people's Wall-to-Walls? Seems a bit creepy, don't you think? But you just put it out there, like catnip for voyeurs. Should I feel guilty, or should I just bury my whiskers happily in the bowl?
  • Isn't it rude to poke people? My mother always taught me to keep my fingers to myself. I even saw someone who had been licked. You didn't mention this licking thing when I agreed to start this relationship with you, Facebook.
  • If someone asks me to be her friend, but we were never really that close to begin with, and honestly it was always really awkward anytime we talked and she had that weird thing she did with her fingers, do I have to say yes to this friendship?
  • That reminds me of something else. I didn't quite know what I was doing when I first signed up, Facebook, and you asked me so quickly to give you all my contacts, and I, unwittingly, handed them over. Now I feel bad that I'm the girl with the weird habits that some long lost "friend" is now trying to determine how badly it'll hurt my feelings if they ignore me.
  • And that new coworker, whom I asked to be my friend. I wish I could take that back. It's a bit early in the relationship, don't you think? We don't even know if we annoy each other yet and will need the privacy of the internet to vent about one another.
  • Or am I just supposed to be collecting friends like soda tabs? I've only been with you four days, and I already have more friends than the sum total of people I talked to face-to-face last month. I saw one person with 1,109 friends. They must be exhausted from all the poking and licking.
  • How often am I supposed to update my status? Honestly, Facebook, my life isn't that interesteing, but you keep asking me, and I keep answering like some silly over-eager puppy.
  • And one more thing. What's with all the pictures of the bellies on the left-hand side of my screen? Does everyone get bellies? Is this a hint? You're making me paranoid.

Thank you, Facebook, for your consideration. I look forward to a long, fulfilling relationship.

P.S. This post is a work of fiction. Any resemblance between the characters mentioned in the post and friends living or dead is purely coincidental. (Really--I just wrote this because there are so many funny things about Facebook--not as a hint to you. :) )


Jon The Hart said...

To date, I've only rejected one friend, and that's because I don't remember the person. It says I know them from Berthoud High School, and the name is familiar, but for the life of me I can't put a face to the name.

What's really crazy, is when someone tags you in a picture, and then all of a sudden everyone of your friends and all the friends of the friend that tagged you in a picture has access to whatever gallery of pictures that one is from. At least as far as I can tell... I think there's some way to untag yourself... When I first saw a picture of me on this thinger I quickly went into turtle mode and clicked every option I could find to lock down pictures of me. Not sure why, but in my newbish state it was just a bit scary and overwhelming to see pictures of me out there.

I would say, do whatever you feel like doing with people's invitations, and ditto for the catnip. I figure, if someone that I barely know/like is trying to befriend me, they're probably the type that adds everyone whose name they know and therefore won't even notice if you never add them. Though, I'm not sure if Facebook tells them if they've been rejected, so I currently have invitations rotting in the inbox.... :(

What's fun, is that you were a full-fledged blogger before coming to facebook.

Amber said...

Yeah, I'm trying to figure out who can see what I do. Like when I gave Mike cuddly penguins yesterday as a joke, did everyone see that? Do they now all think I'm that girl who sends cuddly penguins?

Alright Jon, prepare for your privacy to be invaded.

Sarah said...

Amber, should I join Facebook? I too am wary of all of the people invading my privacy, and having to be poked and licked and all that. Is it worth it? As my younger and yet more experienced Facebook friend, please help!

Karyn said...

One time this girl from high school tried to add me as a friend. We weren't friends. We never even liked each other. In fact, to this day she will give me dirty looks if I am at home and see her at Church or something. I ignored the request because she either 1) wanted to feel better about herself by having more "friends" on facebook, or 2) wanted to gossip about me to other people that I was never friends with in high school nor have the desire to ever speak to again.

Facebook is a funny thing, but I'm kind of addicted to it.

Becky said...

Ummm ... am I the new co-worker?

Amber said...

No way, Becky!
But if you do want to say nasty things about me on Facebook, that's OK...

Amber said...

Sarah--you have to join so I can send you cuddly yak pictures and other junk like that!!!! And because Mike wants to be your friend.

Amber said...

P.P.S. This post doesn't have any veiled references to any of you my dear friends; it was written solely for fun, and not by any means as a hint to anyone.

P.P.P.S. I'm only writing this many comments so my blog will look popular.

Jon The Hart said...

The cool thing about Facebook, is that you can lock it down pretty tight, so that only people you accept as your friend's can see your info. So Sarah, you should totally join, totally.

Tara said...

"I saw one person with 1,109 friends. They must be exhausted from all the poking and licking."

Awesome...simply hilarious! :)

Ok, here is my Facebook story - there is a girl who clearly knows me and asked me about things that only a person who knows me would know about, but I have no recollection of where I know this girl from. We have some friends in common, but I am positive that the place the common friends are from is not where I know this person from...come on brain...you can do it... ugh...nope, don't know who she is. Embarassing!