Monday, April 21, 2008

the dutch


I used to sit by this crazy lady at my old software job. One day she told me the smell of my strawberries irritated her. 30 minutes earlier I had eaten an innocent bowl of strawberries and, apparently, left the bowl on my desk too long. The lingering foul stench of strawberries was just too much to bear.

In honor of that crazy lady, I'll post my own top pet peeves.

1. People who hum in the cubicle next to you at work. Hello? I'm working here.

2. Taquitos. Those things irritate me. They sit there looking all fiesta-y and fun, and you get all excited to bite into the festive stick. And then you remember. These things taste like, well, you know.

3. People who say "Music Is My Life," mainly heard on American Idol auditions. I don't like people who say that anything is their life. I picked this up from my husband. He sneers a lot.

4. Car commercials. Why must they scream at me? It makes me so sad.

5. Baggers at Walmart with those new twirly bag dispensers who place one item per bag. I think they're so excited to turn the twirly thingy that they just want to use more and more bags. Please, baggers, please, my bag can hold more than one bottle of shampoo!

6. Bad Donuts. Oh, this is the worst. And let's face it, there's a lot of them. Most of them in fact. I think only about 5% of donuts created deserve to exist. And this is a great tragedy, becuase Donuts Are My Life.

7. People who are intolerant of other cultures.

8. The Dutch.

9. Hershey's chocolate. I swear. Eat a piece next to a piece of good chocolate and you'll see why.
(Oh my gosh, I'm such a food-obsessed snobby jerk. Oh well.)

10. People who write Top Ten Lists because they are too lazy to be creative and think up their own gimmick (or blog).

9 comments:

T. said...

Doughnuts are "my life" too!! Please let Mike know. Dogs are my life too. Teaching kids is my life. Photograhy is my life. Fine Dark Chocolate is my life. Does this mean I have more "Life" in me than those American Idol people?

p.s. I like your top ten list. Can you be like Letterman and have one each day or each week? Maybe the next one could be about the 10 best types of doughnuts(research may be needed!).

Amber said...

Yes, yes! Research trip!

T, when I posted this, Mike asked if I was just insulting the people who read my blog. I said no. But now I know I was insulting you! You're right--everything is your life! You love everything. I think it's because you're full of love.

T. said...

If you need help "researching" I am always available!

Anonymous said...

Amber,
What's wrong with the Dutch? I think I feel like I'm Dutch now even though I'm not.
I'm with you on Hershey's. I'm not sure I'll be able to eat chocolate produced in America ever again.
Katy

Sarah said...

Ya, what's wrong with the Dutch? Incidentally, I agreed with almost all of your pet peeves. Though, for all the food snobby-ness I also embody, I still like Hershey's.

Amber said...

Katy--I love the Dutch! It was a movie joke. Have you seen Austin Powers Goldmember? Michael Caine says: "There's only two things I can't stand, people who are intolerant of other cultures, and the Dutch." Just a little irony for you. (Kind of like how I said I can't stand people who say certain things "are their life," and proceeded to say "donuts are my life.") That goofy picture is of Goldmember, the evil Dutch villian of the movie.

Amber said...

p.s. Katy, I'm finding lots of great American chocolate, or at least great chocolate you can buy in America, so don't worry. Today I tried "Theo" chocolate, fair-trade chocolate makers who use Ivory Coast beans, and it was delicious.

Anonymous said...

Oh, it went right over my head-since I haven't seen the movie. I really looked at that photo too-trying to figure out the Dutch connection.
Glad to hear about the chocolate because, you know what, chocolate is my life!
KT

Mike said...

I do tend to complain about people who say that stuff is their life. I'm not sure why. It's the way people use it as an advertisement, maybe, that I don't like. I can understand people being really into something, I just don't like them saying it like those Am. Idol people do. And sometimes it seems like either they're just using the phrase casually (it's not really their life) or they're saying that they're one-dimensionally focused on one thing in an out of proportion way (life is big, after all, and a single focus can narrow your vision; those Idol people are so focused on music being their life that they don't stop to notice that they're not good at it, or that maybe music shouldn't be their life and they haven't thought through the reasons why it is and why maybe there are other things they should give weight).

Sorry. I'm all for being really in love with something. I just don't like it when one thing becomes everything.